It’s Hard to Say Goodbye
How did I get here? To t-minus two days until graduation and what I can only describe as a weird sensation in the pit of my stomach—unidentifiable and abstract until Saturday hits and I’m officially done with college forever. I might cry. I might happy dance.
Right now, all I can say right now is that I am exhausted from finals and ready for a nap.
Yesterday was an especially bizarre day. I worked my last ever shift as an Allen Hall front desk clerk (a job I’ve held from the past three years), picked up my cap and gown from the Arc, and submitted my last ever final five minutes before midnight (my last final ever!). That last final was for a web design course, and let me emphasize that I am a terrible web designer, so last night was rough.
I’ve been agonizing over how exactly to write these wrap-up posts. How do you wrap-up in a succinct few paragraphs what it’s like to go to college and come out the other side? I already tried to do it through photographs, but I’m still not quite satisfied.
Just consider this another attempt.
I give you a song:
The Shins latest album, Heartworms, could not have come at a better time for me, and this song rings too true as I grapple with “entering the real world.”
And I don’t want to show you my feelings
I don’t want to force you to deal
I just want to crash through the ceiling
Before it gets too real
Also relevant to any of you high school seniors about to entire the world as a full-fledged adult for the first time.
I’ve also been saying a lot of goodbyes: to bosses, co-workers, friends, and professors. With some people, it’s definitely a goodbye for now, but with others, we’re both exchanging goodbyes keeping in mind that we might not see each other again for years. Those goodbyes are the hardest because they’re the most definitive, and those goodbyes are the ones that signal this is the end of something.
It’s the end of staying up all night, two nights in a row. Milkshake runs at midnight. Wearing pajamas to class. Staring down Microsoft Word when all I want is to go to bed. Going to bed when I should be staring down Microsoft Word. Cringing at the one person in lecture who asks way too many questions. Being the one person in lecture who asks way too many questions. Stress eating massive calzones from D.P. Dough. That freshman year-esque sensation you only get when you walk down the Quad and can’t believe you’re really here, really doing college.
It’s the end of being that special kind of young that can only happen once, and I’m just feeling so lucky it happened here at Illinois.